Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
