Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
