I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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