she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Come see our sink grown plant.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Your cock deserves a montage
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
