We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Bring me that man meat
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize