She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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