can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
