Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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