I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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