I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
