so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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