u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Its about making memories worth repressing
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
