i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
