when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Randomize
