You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
