You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
