he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
