i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just want to make out with him forever
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
