you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
