Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize