I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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