i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
