How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
