i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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