Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
