Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
