watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
