have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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