her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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