Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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