Just took my morning after pill in the library
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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