Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
ok first of all what the fuck
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize