Just cropdusted the office
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize