You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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