I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
