When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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