just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
