Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
