I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
