the new term for farting is butt boxing.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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