He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize