At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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