yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
