Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
