There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
thus making me awesome and them whores
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
