btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
