drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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