Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
