I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
