Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
