I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
