Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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