just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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