I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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