Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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