6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
