don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
