She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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