I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
