I wish I could punch you in the face.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I want to be your penis for a week.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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