I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
