eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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