Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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