could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
this boner is exhausting
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
