So drunk, too bad you don't want this
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
