i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
