Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
